These are things that I actually heard this morning (well, I may have paraphrased some of them). Guys, these are things not to say to your wife on her birthday.
"Wow! There's a lot of pee there!" (when looking at the pee pad that's down on the floor for the old kitty when you have no intention of changing it yourself)
"I thought you did laundry. What got washed?"
"If you do any sweeping today, get the bedroom."
However, there are some things I heard that I liked. I think I won't list those out here.