There has been a new development in Brownie's health. A bit gross, so scroll down to the next paragraph if you are easily grossed out. There is now some blood in her stool.
I am in a state of - well, I'm not sure how to articulate exactly what it is. It is the moral or ethical or personal exercises that unfortunately some of us will have to face when a loved one, be it human or animal, has a terminal condition. True, life is a terminal condition, but I'm speaking of an illness.
My biggest concern became Brownie's comfort and happiness. I want her to enjoy what remains of her life. I have spent a lot of money at the vet since March to determine what was wrong, and what, if anything, could be done about it. I buy her human medications at the pharmacy and pay full price for them. Even though they are generic, they are not cheap. She eats holistic canned catfood now, and when she got picky about eating the same couple of food choices, I've picked a much wider variety for her. In the process, I've found she really likes venison. She also gets baby food meat each night since we've found it's the best way to hide her medication. The other kitties have enjoyed these benefits also.
I'm still not ready to tell Brownie good-bye. She still enjoys eating, so I know she's not ready to bid this mortal coil farewell. I'm very concerned about the blood in her stool, but is it just a bit of constipation since she sleeps 23.5 hours or day, or should I be more worried? Do I pack her up, let her endure the trauma of an exam, as well as the trip to and from the vet, to discover what is going on? I know she's terminal. It's only a matter of time. At this point, can my vets (whom I think are wonderful) do anything at all?
I know (from personal experience - thank goodness I wasn't the one who had to make that decision) that there comes a time in some cancer patients where they get palliative therapy and nothing else. I think I am there with Brownie. I don't think there is anything I can do except to keep her comfortable and let her enjoy what's left of her life. I find I've been working towards this over the summer. This is not an easy choice.
That's all for now.
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1 comment:
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Been there; it's hard. As long as your baby is still enjoying eating and sleeping, she's probably happy. All I can say is, they really do tell you when it's time. Let me know if you want to talk about it.
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